HowTo
by Quill of Thoughts
Summary: When Misto decides to take certain lessons from Tugger on how to kiss queens, he goes from having a perfectly marvelous life to a life of confusion. For BroadwayKhaos' Jellicle Week March. Eventual Slash.
1. Chapter 1

**A/N: Don't ask…just don't ask where this came from. I started it at 11 o'clock last night when I realized I had two ish days to write something for Jellicle Week March, so here's my failed attempt at it…**

Sunday

"Misty?" a soft voice said, rubbing up against me and waking me up. I smiled faintly, looking down at the pale form of Victoria. My smile faded as I saw that she looked almost frightened, which didn't surprise me due to the storm outside. She never liked storms, especially thunderstorms and lightning most of all, despite liking my lightning.

"What is it, Vic?" I asked her softly, nuzzling her gently as she cuddled up close to me, her breathing slightly uneven. A sharp crack of thunder shook through the apartment, and she pressed even closer to me.

"The storm's scaring me, Misty…I don't like it in your human's place. It's not warm like our den," she said softly her voice shaking slightly. I looked down at her, quite concerned. Usually storms didn't bug her this much, and I quickly stood up, leading her to my human's bedroom, and under the bed. I hoped that I could make her feel better.

"Now, Vic, I'll perform a private show for you…" I said as I conjured up a small light for her to see by. She grinned faintly, her anxiety about the storm seeming to fade before my eyes. I grinned back at her, quickly pulling out a deck of cards.

"Really, Misty? Another card trick?" she said, looking faintly dejected. I looked back at her, slightly confused. She rolled her eyes as she scooted closer to me, her face now only a couple of inches away from mine. Breathing softly, ours eyes met as we slowly moved closer, and I dropped the cards on the ground with a small fluttering sound.

"I better pick these up before I lose one…" I said softly, pulling away from her as I leaned down to pick up the cards, closing my eyes as I silently berated myself for not actually having the courage to kiss her. True, we stayed together most nights, slept together most nights as well, and were as close as any mates, yet I never actually had the courage to even kiss her, let alone anything more than that. I had the feeling she wasn't appreciating my lack of affection, yet I still didn't know how to actually build up the courage to kiss her for once.

"Misty! Honestly! That was the closest we've been to kissing, and then you just have to pick up your cards!" she said, sounding like she was close to tears. I bit my lip slightly, not wanting to look up at her as I picked up the Ace of Spades, which just happened to be pointed towards me. "Aren't you going to say something, Misty?" she said after a minute. I still didn't respond, not knowing what to say at all as I finally picked up the Joker. "Well, have fun on your own. I'm headed back to the Junkyard, Mistoffelees," she finally said as she walked away. My eyes widened at the thought of her leaving in the middle of the night.

"No! Leave in the morning, Vic. I don't want you to go out in this storm," I said softly. She glared at me slightly before shaking her head and walking out of the room. I sighed, standing up and following after her.

"Don't follow me, Misty. I won't let you near me if you follow me around," she said before slipping outside. I sighed, making my way back to my bed and sitting down, angrily pulling out my cards and starting to play a game of solitaire.


	2. Chapter 2

Monday

I sat on the TSE1, shuffling my deck of cards, my fur slightly disheveled from my lack of sleep the previous night. I was looking out across the clearing, watching Victoria practicing some dance with Plato that she should have been practicing with me. It wasn't right at all. Not to mention the fact that I missed her, even though we had been apart for barely a night.

"Now, are my eyes deceiving me, or is Twinkletoes not looking his best like usual?" I heard the drawling voice of the Rum Tum Tugger say from beside me. I looked over, glaring at him, quite annoyed at the Maine Coon's perpetually condescending behavior. "Is everything alright?"

"Oh, yes. Right as rain," I replied, my tone scathing and sarcastic as I glared harder at him. Tugger quickly took a couple of steps back, raising his paws defensively as he looked back at me.

"Sorry, Twinkletoes, I was just asking a question…" he said, before suddenly looking at me slightly suspiciously. "What's wrong? You're never _this _mad at me…" I rolled my eyes at the question, not wanting to really reply to it.

"I can't kiss a queen…" I muttered softly a few minutes later as I turned back to my card shuffling. I couldn't believe that I was actually telling Tugger what was wrong, yet I was anyways.

"What?" Tugger asked, sounding confused as he sat down next to me. "Yet haven't you and Vic been dating for a while? Pretty much mates and everything?"

"Doesn't mean I've ever kissed her…" I replied softly. "She left middle of the night last night because I picked up my deck of cards rather than actually closing the distance between us." Tugger smirked slightly, and I could tell that he was trying to suppress a laugh.

"Well, I guess I'll just have to teach you then," he said, sounding like he had achieved some goal he had been trying to achieve for months now.

"And how do you propose that, Tugger?" I asked him, wary of this offer. Who knows, Tugger could teach me by kissing me himself. I shuddered visibly at the thought.

"What, do you not _want _me to help you out?" Tugger asked. "Well, I don't have to teach you…" he added with a shrug before standing up.

"How do you propose to teach me, Tugger?" I asked him again, my suspicion growing. He grinned faintly, getting a mischievous look in his eyes. "Tugger…"

"Just with a bit of practice. Unfortunately, there's no queens that would actually start a kiss, so you're stuck with a tom…" he said. I shook my head quickly, moving away from him.

"I'm already accused of being gay due to my coat, Tugger. I'm not going to confirm those rumors just to learn how to kiss someone," I said. Tugger shrugged as he started walking away.

"Good luck with figuring out how to get yourself to kiss Vic sometime before she mates with Plato then," he said. I looked at him, glaring at him for a few minutes before sighing and walking over to him, not eager to let the other toms hear about this.

"Fine. Tomorrow, outside the Junkyard at noon. This had better work," I muttered. Tugger nodded, grinning broadly, before walking away.

"I'll see you then, Twinkletoes," he said, waving a paw. I sighed, wondering what the hell I had gotten myself into.


	3. Chapter 3

Tuesday

I sat in the field just outside of the junkyard the next day, waiting for Tugger to come as I tore a flower apart in my paws. I wasn't excited for this little meeting of ours, and I prayed that Tugger wouldn't mention this ever again after his lesson was done. This wouldn't be a fun day, yet it would hopefully get Victoria back into my arms. She still hadn't come back, and I was quickly realizing that my den was much more lonesome without her.

"I see you didn't wimp out," Tugger drawled as he sauntered over to me, looking the same as he always ever did. I shrugged slightly, and tore the last petals off of the flower before ripping the stem apart into two unequal parts. I had almost thought about simply giving up, yet I didn't really feel like him ridiculing me about it later on. I still needed to keep up _some _idea that I was a mysterious tom who performed the most marvelous tricks in the metropolis.

"This had better work, Tugger. I'm not going to forgive you if it doesn't," I said as I looked up at him. Tugger shrugged slightly as he sat down, obviously not caring much as he lounged casually next to me.

"I can live with that," he said simply before continuing. "Why can't you kiss a queen though? I've been wondering about it since you said it yesterday, and I've not been able to come up with an excuse yet." I shrugged slightly again as I picked up another flower and started ripping the petals off of that one as well.

"Don't know. Always felt awkward trying to kiss them," I said, not paying much attention to him as I mindlessly answered the question without thinking about the answer I gave him much.

"And you're sure you're not gay?" Tugger asked me. I nodded quickly, restraining myself from rolling my eyes again.

"Quite sure. No tom's ever appealed to me, Tugger. None. Period," I replied firmly. Tugger shrugged slightly before sitting up slightly straighter and looking at me.

"Do you want to get this lesson over with so that you can get Victoria back, Misto?" Tugger asked me softly. I nodded, breaking the stem of the flower that was in my hand into two after the petals had been shredded apart.

"Yeah. The sooner the better," I replied simply. Tugger nodded slightly as he sat up, moving closer to me as he looked at me.

"Now Misto, all you need to do is get rid of those pesky morals you have, along with that sense of decency. It doesn't work like that when you're properly making out with someone. It's why I'm so popular," he said, with a trace of arrogance. I looked down, nodding slightly. It probably was, yet I didn't know how I could ever manage that. I prided myself on being a gentleman. "Beyond that, it's mostly just instinct until you figure out how you prefer it most."

"Really? It's that simple?" I asked him, not quite believing him still. Tugger rolled his eyes, nodding slightly as he looked back at me.

"Obviously, otherwise I'd never be able to figure it out," he said. I grinned slightly as I realized he had a point.

"Now, Tugger, don't sell yourself so short. You might be the most annoying cat in the Junkyard, yet you're not the most idiotic," I said. Tugger grinned back at me, before moving slightly closer to me. I looked at him, realizing with a start that he was staring back at me, slightly uncomfortably, and we quickly broke eye contact.

"So…how's life as a single tom again?" he asked, sounding slightly awkward. I shrugged slightly.

"Lonely, especially considering Vic and I rarely slept in different dens for the longest time," I replied softly, wondering slightly why Tugger had been staring at me. Tugger nodded slightly as he continued to sit in silence next to me. "How's Bomba or whoever you're with this time?"

"She's fine. All I can expect right now," he replied. I nodded before looking back at him. He looked back at me, before wrapping a paw around me and pressing his lips against mine as a small shock touched our lips.


	4. Chapter 4

Wednesday

I sat in my den an hour later, quite in shock from Tugger's "lesson". I hadn't expected Tugger to have done that in a million years. Especially considering I was _not_ gay, and I did _not _like him. I think. I was actually questioning that right now. I needed to get back with Vic, and that was that. I was happy with her. And I couldn't be happy with anyone else. Yes, that's right, just think about Victoria, Mistoffelees. Only about Victoria. Not Tugger and that one…NO!

I stood up quickly, before walking out of my den, instantly walking over to Victoria. She was sitting alone, her eyes closed as she bathed in the warm sunlight.

"Hi, Victoria," I said softly as I sat down next to her. She looked up, opening her eyes.

"Misty…Look, I'm sorry about the other night, Misty. I guess I was just slightly jealous of the other queens…I'm actually really glad I have you," she said, hugging me and nuzzling me gently. I smiled, as I hugged her back gently.

"I'm sorry too, Vic. I really shouldn't have taken you for granted. I missed you over the past couple of nights," I said, before taking a deep breath and gently pressing my lips to her forehead gently. She smiled, looking up at me.

"You actually kissed me," she said, sounding pleasantly surprised. I smiled my crooked smile, and she gently kissed my lips. I kissed her back half-heartedly, almost wishing I was back in that field with Tugger. NO! No! I was happy with Victoria…only Victoria…Not Tugger. I took a deep breath pulling away from her, holding her in my arms as she purred softly, laying against me. I looked across the clearing, and I saw a dejected-looking Maine Coon watching me. I was happy…happy with Victoria. That's all I needed to know in my life. I looked down, not wanting to make eye contact with him.

"I love you, Vic…" I said softly, holding her close and still trying to convince myself that I was happy with Victoria, and that I couldn't be happier with anyone else. Especially not Tugger.


	5. Chapter 5

Thursday

I quickly kissed Victoria goodnight as we curled up in my den, and she purred gently, falling asleep. I tried to fall asleep with her, yet I simply couldn't. There were simply too many thoughts in my head to keep me from getting some sleep. My eyes stayed open, slowly extricating myself from her arms as I decided to take a walk around the Junkyard in the cool night air a few minutes later. I needed to clear my head from increasingly lusty thoughts about certain curious cats.

"Mistoffelees…" I heard a voice say as I approached the wall. I turned, seeing Tugger standing behind me, looking slightly confused. I blushed faintly, having still been in the middle of said aforementioned lusty thoughts.

"Tugger. What are you doing out here so late?" I asked him, wondering why he happened to be out here the same time I was. It figured that the Everlasting Cat would do this to me though. Tugger shrugged slightly, not really saying anything.

"Bomba's at her humans, and I've got nothing better to do. You?" Tugger replied. I shrugged slightly also, not about to admit to him that he was the reason why I was out here.

"No reason, really. Wanted a walk," I replied, trying to be nonchalant about it.

"Hmm…I would have figured you would have been too busy with Vic to take a walk," he said simply, shrugging slightly. I flushed slightly at the obvious sexual innuendo, looking down at the ground.

"No…she just fell asleep actually…" I said softly. He nodded slightly as he sighed, looking down.

"I saw you with Victoria earlier. She seemed quite happy that you finally kissed her," he said dryly, seeming to only be trying to make conversation. I shrugged slightly, not really knowing what to say.

"Yeah. She was," I said half-heartedly a few minutes later. Tugger looked at me, slightly confused.

"Why don't you sound very excited about that? I thought you were dying to have her back…" he said, trailing off slightly.

"Yeah…well…I'm just tired," I snapped back instantly, glaring at him as he stood there looking even more confused.

"Now, Twinkletoes, I was just saying something. What's wrong?" he asked, taking a step towards me.

"You! You and your damn lessons, Tugger!" I snapped at him, looking away quickly. Tugger looked taken aback as he stood there in shock for a few minutes.

"What?" he asked finally, looking confused more than ever.

"I've not been able to stop thinking about that lesson, Tugger…" I muttered, staring down at the ground as I forced myself not to react to what he would say.

"Well, Misto, you had it coming…"


	6. Chapter 6

Friday

"Yes, I know I had it coming, Tugger…" I muttered angrily as I looked away from him a moment later. I heard the faint noise of Tugger fluffing his mane, and I sighed softly, shaking my head.

"You know, yesterday was the first day of spring, Twinkletoes," he said. I nodded slightly, well aware of this fact, especially considering the warming weather well proclaimed that fact. "Queens are going to want to start trying for kits…"

"Yeah…Vic's going to want some probably now that we've actually kissed each other…we've not really talked about it, though," I replied softly. "I don't really know if I want any." Tugger nodded slightly as he took a couple of steps towards me.

"Ever thought if it's Vic that you don't want, rather than kits you don't want?" he asked gently. I rolled my eyes slightly, not moving from my spot, even though he was getting uncomfortably close to me.

"I'm perfectly happy with her, Tugger. Don't be getting any ideas," I told him firmly. He raised an eyebrow slightly, cocking his head to the side slightly as he looked at me closely.

"What about my lesson? I thought you said you couldn't stop thinking about it," he replied before hooking his thumbs in his belt. I hissed softly, before nodding slightly.

"You're right…I can't…" I said softly, looking down as I closed my eyes. I hated having to admit that I couldn't stop thinking about the Rum Tum Tugger.

"If it makes you feel better, I've not been able to either…" he said even softer than I had. I looked up at him, slightly surprised.

"Liar," I said, simply to make myself feel better as I turned away from him, going to go walk somewhere else, or even go back to my den. Tugger quickly snagged me by my tail, pulling me back towards him. I hit his chest hard, my tail now quite sore, and I looked up at him, quickly trying to pull away from him to no avail. He was holding me tight in his grasp as he held his face quite close to mine.

"Why would I ever lie, Twinkletoes?" he asked before kissing me. My eyes opened wider in surprise, yet after a moment, I relaxed, kissing him back softly. This was better than anything I had with Vic, which, unfortunately, meant that I was gay. Not that I really cared right now as I was with Tugger.

"Possibly," I replied as I pulled away from him a moment later, looking away from him. He let go of me, and I took a few steps away from him, quickly trying to clear my head.

"I'd never lie to you, Twinkletoes. Especially when I say that I've been wanting this for at least a few weeks…" he said. I rolled my eyes, refusing to hear it.

"You just want what you can't have, Tugger. That's all. You don't actually like me," I replied softly as I started to take a walk away from him. Tugger quickly followed me, stepping in front of me and stopping me in my tracks.

"Is that honestly what you think, or is it what you're trying to tell yourself so that you don't have to admit that you're at least bi?" Tugger asked. I looked away from him, not wanting to answer him. "Answer me, Mistoffelees, please."

"I don't want to have to admit that I'm gay to the toms, Tugger. They've bugged me enough already about being gay," I said, starting to walk away from him again. Tugger touched my shoulder, pulling me close to him again so that my back was against his chest.

"You really care about what they say? They'll be too preoccupied with their queens…" he said, holding me close to his body. I kept my eyes looking away from him, forcing myself not to purr softly.

"I guess not…" I said, finally giving up and giving a throaty purr. Tugger purred softly as he pressed his lips against my neck and I pulled away from him. "We can make it official tomorrow. I'm still technically with Vic…" I said softly before taking a few steps away from him. Tugger nodded slightly, smiling as he turned and walked away. I took a deep breath, closing my eyes before walking back to my den, not really knowing how to act around Vic now that I was going to break up with her. Just what I needed, a sobbing queen just after I got back with her…great…


	7. Chapter 7

Saturday

"You're dumping me?" Victoria asked as she sat down in my den, looking at me in shock. I started to shake my head, yet I gave up and nodded.

"Yes, I need to break up with you, Vic. I'm sorry, yet I don't love you," I told her softly. She looked up at me, teary eyed as she seemed confused trying to figure out why I was doing this so suddenly.

"You even took lessons to learn how to kiss me, Misty! You can't say that you don't love me!" she said. I winced slightly, looking down at the thought of the lessons and the reason why I had taken the lessons. "Oh my gosh, you're dumping me for Tugger, aren't you! You dirty little hypocrite. You said you hated him!" I winced again, not looking up at her.

"I never said that it was Tugger, Vic, yet it just happened. At least I'm breaking up with you rather than going behind your back. I want you to be happy, even though you won't be with me," I said, reaching to touch her comfortingly. She moved away from me, standing up and glaring at me harshly. I looked at her, slightly confused at this sudden change in behavior.

"Don't call me Vic. And if you need me, I'll be with Plato," she said coldly, walking out of the den. I sighed, not understanding it, lying back against the bed as I closed my eyes. Queens made no sense to me sometimes. Toms at times too. I should just become a hermit in the middle of the woods. It would just be easiest on my mental health.

"Let me guess, you dumped Vic," Tugger said as he walked into my den. I nodded, not opening my eyes to look at him.

"I know it's for the best, considering I don't want to go out with you behind her back, yet it still hurts…" I said softly. He quickly laid down next to me, wrapping an arm around my waist as he held me tightly.

"It's like colored glass, isn't it?" he asked me softly. I nodded slightly as moved closer to him.

"I guess…depends on what you mean by that…" I said softly, thinking I understood, yet not sure. I wanted to make sure before I actually agreed with him.

"Well, it's pretty, yet when you go to take it, it can cut your paws," he said, shrugging slightly, sounding like he thought it was something obvious.

"Sure, I guess so. I still don't know if I'm doing the right thing, Tugger," I said softly. He shrugged as he held me tighter.

"Do you like this, us?" he purred in my ear. I opened my eyes slightly, looking over my shoulder at his face.

"Yeah…I do," I said softly before purring softly. Tugger pressed his lips on my shoulder, and I turned over to kiss his lips. "The kits aren't going to like it if you occupy my time…not only would the object of their fixation be missing, yet their magician would be too," I said as I pulled away from him a moment later.

"True. I better go obliged them," Tugger said, standing up quickly and sauntering out of the den as he hooked his thumbs in his belt. I grinned my crooked grin, before quickly following him out, thinking that it wouldn't be too annoying dating Tugger.

**A/N: And that's the end. Don't ever expect this pairing again. Ever. Only reason why I'm doing this is because I had been looking at Toxic-dolls' gallery, which happens to be flooded with Tugger/Misto fanart. Not to mention it **_**was **_**about midnight when I started writing it, and I **_**had **_**been up for almost twenty hours by then…At any rate, I hope you at least tolerated my feeble attempt at slash. Review, if you want. I also don't own anyone/thing.**


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